My Story | What is pride to me?
A summer of pride celebration is well and truly underway but more than 50 years after homosexuality was decriminalised in the UK there are still members of the LGBTQ+ community who feel they can’t be themselves. I am writing this blog as a young member of the LGBTQ+ community, who only recently came out, with personal experiences with some of the issues talked about in this blog. I hope to educate those that wonder what it’s like being a member of the LGBTQ+ community and show a reason as to why we celebrate pride month. Also, those in this community. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are all feeling this way or have felt this way.
Being a young member of the LGBTQ+ community can sometimes be difficult and I’m sure everyone else would agree. I didn’t have someone that could help me with my sexuality. I had no members of the LGBTQ+ community in my family, feeling like you have no one to speak to is the hardest part of it all. No one that relates to you or understands what’s going on. Feeling alone in the big wide world like you’re the only one thinking differently than the “normal”.
Being in school was a horrible experience for me, although I wasn’t out of the closet during my time at school. I still had homophobic comments thrown at me. I “acted” gay or came across that way. But in truth, I didn’t know who I was at this point. I figured it out towards the end of school, but I think deep down these comments hurt because I was questioning my sexuality. I knew who I was, but I didn’t want to show it.
The hardest part about figuring myself out was during the lockdown not something everyone has experienced but something I struggled with. Stuck within my mind seeing the same 4 walls 24/7. I still wasn’t out at this point, but I wanted to be. I wanted to tell the world who I was and tell my loved ones. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t for so long and that pain is unbearable. It feels like you are trapped within your head. It was depressing and I know I’m not the only person that experiences this as 6 in 10 people in the LGBTQ+ community face high rates of depression. The best way to describe it is to imagine hiding the fact you have broken arms and legs from everyone around you, it would hurt to walk and stretch to use your hands, but you still will because the thought of expressing yourself will hurt you more. That’s what it feels like to be trapped within yourself, you want to just pop your mind and express everything that’s stuck in your head. It’s frustrating and makes you angry.
It comes to a point when the pain is too much, so you just open and that is the best feeling in the world. It’s like finding a cure to all your problems and in my case, I was told “it doesn’t matter who you are” and I’m very happy and grateful for this as I know the experience isn’t the same for everyone. But why? It shouldn’t be like this; it doesn’t matter who you are!
There are a lot of minor events that make a significant impact on the well-being of those in the LGBTQ+ community. Things like how two-thirds of the community avoid holding hands in public. A simple expression of love is avoided because of the thought of being judged. Not because we don’t want to hold hands but because you feel we can’t. A worry that doesn’t need to be thought of but unfortunately still is. Also, things like fearing walking down the road because you may “look too gay”. It’s looking at the news and seeing attacks on LGBTQ+ members. It’s all these elements that combine into one and constantly sit on our shoulders.
We are luckily in a position now where it is legalized to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (or questioning). It’s scary to think there once was a time when this wasn’t legal. It wasn’t ok to be “normal”. It was a crime!
So, what is pride to me? Pride to me is knowing how many people across the world live a life in this community. It’s seeing on social media the crowds marching for what we are and who we stand for. Celebrating the rights, we now have compared to 50 years ago.
I think its important to mention how things do work out in the long run, yes there are always worries but I like to destress by thinking of the saying “There is no point in worrying about things that haven’t happened yet” this way I go about my normal day without thinking of the future and what’s to come, why worry about a situation that hasn’t happened?
If you told me 2 years ago, I would be looking at moving out with my today partner. I would have laughed at you. No way would I believe you. I am now very happy in a relationship. So, if you are reading this in a situation like mine don’t forget anything can change no one can predict the future. It may seem like a dark tunnel but there will always be light.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this blog and I want to share that you are not alone and if you need anyone to talk to there is someone always available. There is an LGBTQ+ charity with services like a chat line. To talk about how you are feeling and what you are going through. Details can be found below:
I would love to hear your story so please send them over to me: [email protected]. I would love to read your experiences 🌈
Happy Pride Month Everyone!
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